Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2017 12:09:32 GMT -7
"That must have a been a difficult transition, to hearing everything. Especially when it happened in the arena. I can't imagine how scary that was, not just the noise, but being in the games, too," I keep my voice low, but light. I think some people forget the horrors others go through, and only realize what they see now. "And you're right, you're not weak. Just shy," I smile at him. I like his shyness.
I sigh, allowing the anger I have for my own father to leave with the air in my lungs. "Yes. Tough, always moving forward, never letting anything stop him. Like a bull or a train. Which isn't bad. But I wish he was... softer. I wish there was an 'off switch' to all of that because sometimes he doesn't even see me, he only sees himself. HIS ambitions, HIS goals, HIS triumphs. Like the world revolves around him." I don't really know how to describe how he is around me. Sometimes it seems like he loves me more than anything in the world. But other times, when he looks at me, I see anger and resentment in his eyes. And it's like no one else exists except him, like he's the only real person in the world.
Warmth against my palm. I don't look down, I smile. My heart bursts with something hot and cold at the same time. I stop us on the corner of the house where a large oak tree shades us, the gate only a few paces away. "Your sheep?" I ask in amusement. He's so sweet, it's heartbreaking. Why had my father chosen him? I know I could be happy with him, but I feel as if this is all some beautiful story with a tragic ending. "I'd love that," I say, before I can think twice about it. This is too simple, which makes it so hard. Because I realize at that moment, what a complete idiot I am. I hadn't been acting, not since the restaurant. When had I stopped? When had every word out of my mouth been true? Was THIS my test? Not Matthias, but myself? My mind is crowding in thoughts I can't stop and everything is jumbling up. I know I need to clear my head, to analyze the situation, and come up with a solution. But there's too many strings tied up together I can't make out what's real and what isn't.
"I have to go," I blurt out and pull my hand away. I can feel and hear my heart beating in my temples, my body hurts, my brain is compressed. "I'll see you in three days, and you can take me to your farm." My feet begin walking before I'm even done saying all I want to say, but my brain hurts too much to even think anymore, I feel like throwing up. I run up to the gate and don't bother to close it, bounding up the stairs two at a time until I'm in my room. I see him through my window and I want to keep looking at him, but I can't. I close the curtains quickly and fall into my bed. I remember only pulling the blanket over my head and curling into a ball before the darkness came.
Words: 538
Tag: Matthias Jensen
Notes: she's not dead, just sick
I sigh, allowing the anger I have for my own father to leave with the air in my lungs. "Yes. Tough, always moving forward, never letting anything stop him. Like a bull or a train. Which isn't bad. But I wish he was... softer. I wish there was an 'off switch' to all of that because sometimes he doesn't even see me, he only sees himself. HIS ambitions, HIS goals, HIS triumphs. Like the world revolves around him." I don't really know how to describe how he is around me. Sometimes it seems like he loves me more than anything in the world. But other times, when he looks at me, I see anger and resentment in his eyes. And it's like no one else exists except him, like he's the only real person in the world.
Warmth against my palm. I don't look down, I smile. My heart bursts with something hot and cold at the same time. I stop us on the corner of the house where a large oak tree shades us, the gate only a few paces away. "Your sheep?" I ask in amusement. He's so sweet, it's heartbreaking. Why had my father chosen him? I know I could be happy with him, but I feel as if this is all some beautiful story with a tragic ending. "I'd love that," I say, before I can think twice about it. This is too simple, which makes it so hard. Because I realize at that moment, what a complete idiot I am. I hadn't been acting, not since the restaurant. When had I stopped? When had every word out of my mouth been true? Was THIS my test? Not Matthias, but myself? My mind is crowding in thoughts I can't stop and everything is jumbling up. I know I need to clear my head, to analyze the situation, and come up with a solution. But there's too many strings tied up together I can't make out what's real and what isn't.
"I have to go," I blurt out and pull my hand away. I can feel and hear my heart beating in my temples, my body hurts, my brain is compressed. "I'll see you in three days, and you can take me to your farm." My feet begin walking before I'm even done saying all I want to say, but my brain hurts too much to even think anymore, I feel like throwing up. I run up to the gate and don't bother to close it, bounding up the stairs two at a time until I'm in my room. I see him through my window and I want to keep looking at him, but I can't. I close the curtains quickly and fall into my bed. I remember only pulling the blanket over my head and curling into a ball before the darkness came.
Words: 538
Tag: Matthias Jensen
Notes: she's not dead, just sick