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Post by Deleted on Mar 30, 2016 16:31:04 GMT -7
Lilac Lexie If I kiss you, will I die?
Title / Song inspiration: Thousand MilesLife was back to normal. Or as normal things could be about 300 days out of the year that wasn't focused on The Hunger Games. For people who suffered the aftershock of deaths of loved ones, it was harder. Much harder. Usually, she'd see the family members left by the dead for a couple of days a week. Not that The Capitol cared. They never cared and it wasn't ever for the family's benefits. It was to make sure the families left behind didn't go crazy and do something stupid. Or do something stupid out of desperation or revenge. There were any number of things that could happen. It was Lila's job to make sure nothing happened. She was the front line of defense-- getting them to talk to her or at least show her what was happening. It wasn't an easy job. And she knew that today was going to be one of those heavy days that would weigh on her. She usually never got caught up with her clients. But her 9 o'clock wasn't just any client. He was Scorpius Payne. A young man she'd shared a bed with, though never had sexual relations, unless kissing counted. He'd also saved her from getting fired and overdosing. Lila had more history with Scorpius during the short three weeks she'd known him than anyone Three weeks. Had it really only been three weeks? It seemed so much longer. Scorpius took up such a large part of her life and she didn't even know why. Or was too stubborn to admit why. The knock on her door made her look up at the clock. "Come in."@scorpius 290
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2016 19:23:12 GMT -7
maybe i've always been more comfortable in chaos
Scorpius stared at the clock on the wall as he watched the sun rise in the window, scattering a beam of light across the floor. He’d been in the same position all night, sometimes sleeping, sometimes awake. His sleep was restless and unfulfilling. When he woke up, he always felt the same or worse than when he went to sleep. Still, though, it was all better than he’d imagined. After the initial shock, there was nothing. He felt hollow, like he was stuffed with the straw that would soon cover the fields. It felt unfair to see others crying, people who had never really known his family. Why did they get to be sad? The bodies had already been shipped back in their simple wooden boxes which were already buried in the cemetery, crudely cut stones marking their resting places in the family plot. Some mornings, Scorpius felt like he’d be joining them soon. It was easy to feel like he’d lived a million years. It was hard to remember that he was only nineteen, and he still had a whole lifetime of living left to do.
Since the twins had been reaped, Scorpius had felt a white hot panic at the idea of them dying. It wasn’t a concept he could accept. From that day, he knew that at least one would be dead in two week’s time. That hadn’t stopped him for hoping for a miracle. Maybe they’d call the Games off. Maybe they’d change the rules. He’d spent too much time thinking about possible scenarios that could occur to save his siblings, though, really, it was about ignoring the reality. And then it happened. The idea he’d worked so hard around materialized and became an actual event, and all he could do was stare in blank, unmoving silence. It shook him to his absolute core. He bypassed rage, he bypassed tears, and went straight to a quiet shock that he still hadn’t come out of. It did not help that he was still expected to function. And part of the said functioning involved seeing Lilac again.
Like many developments of the past weeks, she was inexplicable. She almost drank herself out of a job that he faked a blood sample for, he almost drugged himself into oblivion, and then she’d showed up at the bar where he stripped and then took him home. Lilac made everything too complicated to handle. Work was doable. Farm work was easy. He cut things, moved things, hauled things. Set tasks with straightforward objectives. No guesswork, just physical labor. Scorpius wanted everything to be like that. Still, though, he knew it started at Lilac’s office, with his attempt to prove that he was okay.
Scorpius walked to the Justice Building, concentrating on the ground over which he walked far more than usual, occupying his thoughts with something remedial instead of something difficult and ultimately unnecessary. He’d developed a plan. Scorpius would fight his way through the appointment, put distance between himself and Lilac, and drive the wedge there and never look back. Cutting out this aspect of his life would return him to simplicity, he hoped, and he’d do everything in his power to try.
He showed up right on time, knocking on her door softly. Once he heard her respond, he took a deep breath, then opened the door and stepped inside. Scorpius sat down in the chair and tried very hard not to appear dead inside. ”Hello,” he greeted her, trying not to look at her, but somewhere beyond, like she was not a person that had affected his life nearly to the point of derailment in the past weeks.
Words: 637 Tags:@lilac
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Post by Deleted on Apr 28, 2016 20:12:58 GMT -7
Lilac Lexie If I kiss you, will I die?
Her 9 o'clock came in and sat down on the chair in front of her desk. He seemed alright enough. He didn't come in yelling or drunk or high, at least not from what Lila could tell. She looked him up and down before staring down at the opened folder on her desk. She didn't need to read it. She'd known everything that had happened to him since his last appointment those weeks ago when his brother and sister were still alive. Now all that was left was him and Starling.
"Hi. How are you?" she started the same way with all of the people who came into her office. This was her office. Not her apartment or his house or anywhere else in the district. Office. She was a therapist and he was her patient or client or whatever he wanted to call himself. Lila bit her lip, second guessing herself, though. Perhaps asking him how he was wasn't exactly the best question, considering he was there because his brother and sister died and the Capitol wanted to make sure he wasn't a risk. She stood from her chair behind the desk as she picked up the notebook and sat on the chair beside him. No desk in the way. Just them and her notebook.
TAG: @scorpius WORDS: 228
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2016 19:00:34 GMT -7
maybe i've always been more comfortable in chaos
In the time since the canons had boomed, Lilac was the only one who’d dared to ask the question with no good answer. Before, when she’d asked, he’d answered with a surge of anger, cursing and yelling. Scorpius had absolutely erupted. This time, his tired eyes lifted as he watched her move to the chair beside him. He wondered if she was waiting for the explosion. There was a plethora of ways he could respond. He was tired, so tired. His body ached when he moved from work. His eyes constantly felt weighted, though the second he lay his head down at night, he was wide awake. He could tell her he was anxious, maybe even terrified. With the financial weight of Starling looming over him, he worried about keeping the bills paid. And, above all, he was deeply pained. His siblings had been ripped from his life, thrown into an arena where they died less than human, all of it causing his life to fall apart, dragging along with it his new responsibility of his younger brother. In the meantime, he’d fought so hard for control. Drugs, alcohol, sex, anything to claim any part of himself as his own.
Lilac settled into the chair next to him, notebook in hand, surely expecting some sort of answer. The faintest of smiles crossed his face as he realized that of any of the times he should have been falling apart in her office in some cataclysmic mess, it was the time that he was docile and worn. He exhaled, letting the smile go away with the large breath he found he’d been holding. ”Not too well, Lilac. Not too well.”
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2016 19:32:28 GMT -7
Lila was prepared for anything. Tantrums. Cursing. Yelling. Blame. But when Scorpius did none of those, she realised she wasn't prepared at all. She would take a fight over this any day. Anything but this. This calm demeanor. This tired and worn expression on his face that she knew all too well from looking back at herself in the mirror. Curse, yell, blame-- be stubborn. Because when people were stubborn, they fought. They lived, in some small way. But they lived. This, this was close to giving up. She wasn't sure if Scorpius knew it, but Lila did. She had seen it in herself and others. This was the time when people broke. It was crucial, everything she would say and do was crucial. Now more than ever, Lila knew she had to do everything right.
She kicked her lips, putting the pen and notebook down on the desk beside them. She could be Therapist Lexie, but that would be like kicking him while he was down. That was like stepping on his fingers as he tried to hold on to the edge of a cliff.
Lila stood up from her chair and walked over to him. The moments dragged as everything slowed, like waking up from a drug induced coma. Her hand reached out to touch his face as she bent low towards him, her lips meeting his forehead. She didn't know what to say, there was nothing she could say that he didn't already know. So instead, she relied on a human's most basic need that went beyond simoe survival. Desire. The desire to be, the desire to fight loneliness. The desire to have someone there beside them. To not be alone.
Tag: @scorpius Words: no clue, I'm typing on phone lol
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2016 19:51:03 GMT -7
maybe i've always been more comfortable in chaos
Scorpius noticed that Lilac seemed sad, and maybe even a little disappointed in his words. He’d thought that she’d appreciate the stoic calmness. It was better than yelling and cursing, right? He had the odd feeling that he should apologize, but then realized he wasn’t entirely sure what he had - or hadn’t - done. Besides, it wasn’t as if she truly cared about him. That morning in her apartment, Scorpius learned how she truly saw him: as the trade he’d taken on to keep food on the table. It wasn’t that he necessarily blamed her. He was incredibly ashamed of himself as well, but not so ashamed as to starve.
He watched quietly as Lilac rose and approached. He half expected her to exit the room and not return. Instead, she surprised him, placing a gentle hand on his cheek and soft lips on his forehead. Scorpius tensed. He was used to roughness: his body moving in hard jerks as he toiled the earth or pushing himself past his breaking point of exhaustion. Instead, her touch was soft and pure. He felt himself leaning into it. Scorpius exhaled again, then looked up with his dark eyes to meet hers.
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2016 7:32:30 GMT -7
Lilac Lexie If I kiss you, will I die?
There was a quiet in the room, the kind of quiet that only existed in the between moments of waking when one transitions from the inside of their mind to reality. His eyes looked up at her as she lifted her head again, but not to move away. Her hands moved to his shoulders before wrapping her arms around him and pulling him close. His height always took her by surprise and this time was no different. His head was against her chest, no doubt able to hear her steady heartbeat.
She wasn't going to console him with words. No amount of 'it's okay' or 'everything will turn out alright' would ever do. Sometimes those phrases worked, but mostly, they filled the empty, ever expanding void and silence. Lila didn't want that. She didn't want to fill the silence or the emptiness. She wanted to live in it and for him to join her in it because it is in the emptiness and silence when one makes sense of it all. The clarity, the epiphany, the purpose. It might take days or weeks or even months. But eventually they find themselves if they live in the silence long enough.
Lila found it. She'd found it numerous times. And then she'd lose it. And she'd go back to the silence until she found it again. Over and over and over. There were times when she gave up and instead of her finding the silence, it found her. The noise of the world can be difficult, but the silence of a person's mind can be chaos.
When Lila finally looked up at the clock, time had moved drastically. She didn't reach for her notebook, she'd write whatever came to mind after he left. Instead, she looked down at him, but not with eyes that mirrored pity. She didn't know what she felt. For a moment she thought she felt his pain. Her empathy for others was always the strongest part of her. She breathed. "Are you working today?" she asked. "I can prescribe bed rest if you want. I don't know if I can add compensation in there, but I can try."
TAG: @scorpius WORDS: 372
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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2016 9:55:07 GMT -7
maybe i've always been more comfortable in chaos
If there was anything that Scorpius ever appreciated, it was that Lilac didn’t try to force therapy at him. They’d tried that too many times to have any belief that it could ever work for him. If anything, the basic questions and painstaking length of the sessions coupled with meaningless forms sent to the Capitol regarding him made it all worse. Before, he’d never left her office feeling better than he had when he entered.
When she pulled him in towards her, he allowed it to happen. Scorpius could have resisted or pushed away or even stood up and walked out the door. He didn’t, though, because he was tired of running. It had gotten him nowhere.
——
When the silence broke, Scorpius looked up at the clock. Time had passed, though much faster than it had in the past days. In addition to that, he felt less withered by it. He nodded his head. ”Yeah, I’ll be going there right after this.” Scorpius was quiet for a moment. On the wall, the clock continued to tick along. ”It’s better to stay out. I wouldn’t want to just be sitting home alone,” he said, ”Though it’s not like I don’t do that each day anyways,” he added in his mind.
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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2016 10:07:14 GMT -7
Lilac Lexie If I kiss you, will I die?
His voice gave her relief. She nodded, agreeing with him. Lila knew better than anyone that keeping busy was a key to not losing your mind. Stay so busy that you don't have time to think. If you sit down and do nothing, you have time to think and when you think-- well, it doesn't end too well. She didn't write anything on the notebook, she'd save the writing for when he left. She hadn't written anything on his file that would be a red flag and raise any suspicion to turn towards him.
She thought about him sitting alone at home, but where was Starling? Was he ever around anymore or was losing his siblings too much for him? Lila would find out when she met with Starling later in the week.
"Want me to bring you guys some dinner?" she asked casually as if it was something normal they did. Like two neighbors who brought each other casseroles like they did at The Capitol, except of course they wouldn't have cooked it themselves, their avoxs did that for them or they ordered it from restaurants.
TAG: @scorpius WORDS: 199
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2016 8:18:31 GMT -7
maybe i've always been more comfortable in chaos
Scorpius managed to exhale when she accepted his answer. It sounded pathetic, but it was true. He didn’t feel like being alone anymore. Starling was home, sure, but he always felt uncomfortable around his brother, not only because of the knife, but because of his new responsibility. How in the world was he supposed to take care of a younger brother when he couldn’t take care of himself? They barely talked. Scorpius made sure Starling went to school each morning, and when he came home, he made sure that there was at least some food in the fridge. The shoes he’d complained about before the Games were replaced one morning without a word. He wished he could have been more like Andromeda, caring and always knowing what to say or do. But Scorpius wasn’t the nurturing type. He couldn’t be.
Scorpius wanted to turn down her offer. In fact, he almost did. Scorpius wanted to be self reliant and not need anyone else. But it would be a lie to pretend he didn’t. He was no cook at all, and the food he could scrounge up certainly wasn’t the best. Even though he wasn’t a good caretaker, he knew that Starling deserved better, and that it was probably his duty to make that happen for him. ”If you wouldn’t mind,” he said, trying to swallow his bitter pride, ”That would be good. Really good, actually.” He exhaled a little, feeling like he stood an inch or two shorter. Scorpius had never wanted to accept help. Instead of shaming himself, he thought of Andy standing beside him. Scorpius pictured her nodding encouragingly with a soft smile on her face, like it was some little victory for him. He knew he’d made the right decision.
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2016 16:00:47 GMT -7
Lilac Lexie If I kiss you, will I die?
It would be a lie if Lila said that she was not one bit surprised that Scorpius agreed and accepted her offer. In truth, she had expected him to decline, perhaps even get mad, or aggressive about it. She knew he wasn't the type to ask or even accept help. She knew a lot of people like him. It seemed that the harder you had it in life, the less likely you were willing to accept other people's help. Even if they meant well and not trying to pity. 'We don't take charity!' a man had yelled at her once when she'd recommended they ask the mayor for help. Not that the mayor actually would help, they could barely help themselves, though they were better off than most people. At least their kids only had to enter their name in the reaping once a year.
She smiled and wanted to say something jokingly about him taking her up on the offer, but decided against it. It was better to leave it as it was, lest he changed his mind. The last thing she wanted was to offend him and anger him.
"Alright, well you go to work now before you're late. I'll swing by later," she said before walking around to the other side of her desk. "And close the door on your way out... Please." It was the first time she'd actually asked.
TAG: @scorpius WORDS: 246 NOTE: your post and then thread is done?
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