District 1
Heterosexual
24 Years Old
Relationship:
Occupation:
Bartender/Bouncer/Entertainer/Mercenary
HG Status:
Over Reaping Age
Last Online:
Aug 31, 2020 7:13:06 GMT -7
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Post by Elias R. Jagger on Jan 4, 2018 12:07:20 GMT -7
It had been days since Lia woke up. Even so, he couldn't find any time with her, alone at least. Emilia pushed for time with her now that she was awake, trying to catch her up on all the reading that she'd missed. She recounted the stories she read her and promised to read them to her again. Then there was Levi who wanted as much time with her as possible. And of course the doctor came by every few days to check up on her and make sure she was doing alright. A psychiatrist had come by to check on her mental health, but Eli had no idea what they had talked about or what the psychiatrist wanted to do because she and Lia had talked privately in her room. Tonight, Emilia had begged Levi to take her shopping for more books. She had grown close to Levi, which Eli wasn't sure about. Levi was a good person, he knew that with everything inside him. But he still didn't trust him, he didn't trust anyone. But with them gone, it meant he could talk to Lia alone. He begrudgingly agreed, but told them to be back by 10 that night. Elias cleared and washed away the plates from dinner, the television on in the living room. He wasn't sure where all this left them. Lia and Elias and Levi and Emilia. Would they continue to do this forever? Come over to her house and have dinner almost every night like a ritual? They couldn't. He couldn't. He tried not to get lost in his thoughts because he knew he had to talk to Lia eventually. He just didn't know how. He washed his hands after putting away the last of the dishes and turned to her. The sound of the water rushing and dinnerware clinking and the tv had filled the room. But now there was no sound save for the tv that Lia had turned down until it was just barely audible. "So." Gods. This was going to be awkward. WC: 343 TAG: Jezelia Lennox |
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District 1
Heterosexual
20 Years Old
Relationship:
Single
Occupation:
Bartender
HG Status:
Last Online:
Sept 10, 2022 12:59:02 GMT -7
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Post by Jezelia Lennox on Feb 22, 2018 15:23:20 GMT -7
Lia sat on her couch, watching the different images that flashed by on the tv but not really seeing them. Since the day she woke up everything had been a nuisance, from the shrink to having Eli and Levi at her place. The only solace she found was when she sat down with Emilia and read, but other than that it felt like her entire world ahd been turned upside down. She'd been alone for so long that having people in her home was nothing but strange. It rattled her, confused her but most of all it made her realize how lonely she'd been for the past years. She was still trying to understand what happened, how she could have been gone for a month, trapped inside of her own head. The shrink had different theories but none of them made sense to her. It didn't even make sense that she tried to kill herself. Sure, she didn't want to live, but that didn't mean that she ever thought about putting a gun to her head and ending it all. The sound of the water running stopped. Lia blinked, realizing only how much the sound had calmed her. She didn't turn around though, knowing who was behind her. She'd tried to ignore him for the past few days. She knew now that an entire month had passed in his life, but to her it only felt like a few days ago when she bared her heart to him. It angered and broke her to see him while knowing that she meant nothing to him. At least not in the sense that she wanted to. His voice wasn't as easy to ignore as she hoped. It broke through everything, all the barriers and walls she'd tried to put up to make it somewhat bearable to be in the same room as him. Her eyes shut, as if it would make him go away. Didn't he understand how much his presence broke her? She merely just sighed in reply, before looking over her shoulder.
"Yeah?" Lia didn't know what would come. The only thing she did know was that she would never let herself be vulnerable again. Because in the end there would be nothing to gain.
WC: 375 Tags: Elias R. Jagger |
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District 1
Heterosexual
24 Years Old
Relationship:
Occupation:
Bartender/Bouncer/Entertainer/Mercenary
HG Status:
Over Reaping Age
Last Online:
Aug 31, 2020 7:13:06 GMT -7
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Post by Elias R. Jagger on Jun 20, 2018 12:07:23 GMT -7
The silence filled the room so thick it smothered him. There had been so many difficult moments in his life, not one of them he couldn't face head on. So why was this so difficult? Why was it all so confusing? He was lost in a sea of decisions and he had no idea which way was up and which way was down. Any number of choices could either drown him, or save him. Or perhaps that was just all part of his imagination, that there was hope in any of this. How did he end up here? "The uh, doctor says you're better," he said, trying to figure out how to navigate the conversation into something safe, or at least something that wouldn't end in a shouting match. Was that even possible? He and Lia were like fire, they fed off each other. There was never any winning, never any compromise. And he still wasn't sure exactly what he wanted. Just that he didn't want to hurt anyone. But that was something that was inevitable. He wiped his hands on the towel, but didn't move any closer to Lia as if staying far enough away from her could save him. WC: 202 TAG: Jezelia Lennox |
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District 1
Heterosexual
20 Years Old
Relationship:
Single
Occupation:
Bartender
HG Status:
Last Online:
Sept 10, 2022 12:59:02 GMT -7
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Post by Jezelia Lennox on Oct 11, 2018 16:09:41 GMT -7
Lia stared at him for a moment, slightly gaping. It wasn't really funny yet for some reason she couldn't help but laugh. Better? She'd never felt this confused in her entire life. Everything the doctor had explained to her never actually made anything better. It only added to her anxiety and the slow-consuming rage that she felt. Somehow the only way for her to deal with it was to laugh. It was better to find something amusing amidst of the chaos than focus on the pain and that was exactly what she did. "I don't even know what better is in this case Eli", she replied while shaking her head. It was true. How could someone get better after completely zoning out for an entire month? Sure, she was reachable now, but in terms of what she knew herself, nothing had really happened. She remembered the fight, remembered him leaving and then everyone was suddenly hovering over her. Even though she knew that a month had actually passed, without memories of that month then it hadn't really happened. Despite everything she felt towards Eli, she knew that it somehow was worse for him. She would never actually tell it to his face, yet the part that loved him wanted him to be free. She hated him at the same time but she knew that whatever this was, wasn't doing any of them any good. Lia ran her fingers through her hair before looking up at him again. "You don't have to be here. I'm good",she told him. She hesitated before continuing, knowing how it somehow was their mutual talent to misunderstand each other. "I appreciate everything you've done. Really. But I know that you'd rather be somewhere else right now and frankly, I'm not sure I can stand having you here much longer", Lia told him calmly. "It's not fair. Not to you and not to myself." She broke her eye contact with him, staring back at her hands. She knew that it wouldn't matter what she told him. She'd lost him a long time ago and nothing would change that.
WC: 352 Tags: Elias R. Jagger |
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District 1
Heterosexual
24 Years Old
Relationship:
Occupation:
Bartender/Bouncer/Entertainer/Mercenary
HG Status:
Over Reaping Age
Last Online:
Aug 31, 2020 7:13:06 GMT -7
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Post by Elias R. Jagger on Oct 11, 2018 16:53:57 GMT -7
Eli opened his mouth to say something, something medical and technical, but he couldn't remember a damn thing the doctor said. Perhaps she was right, what did getting better even mean in this case? At least she wasn't comatose in bed. At least they knew that she was 'there'. She was alive, whatever that meant now. She didn't really seem like she was doing much living. Without much to say he closed his mouth and stood there awkwardly until she spoke again, thankfully filling the silence. But the next words she spoke wasn't what he expected.
"I..." he shook his head and looked down at his feet. He gripped the side of the couch and ran a finger over his lip. Eli sighed and sat down on the couch next to her. "Lia," he cleared his throat, "I..."What did he want to say? To ask her if he could stay and take care of her? Was he relieved? He wasn't sure. "I'm sorry," he said finally. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen," he continued, "I know it's my fault. I pushed you too far, I allowed things to happen. It was selfish of me and you got hurt." Lia was easy to become addicted to, he liked the fire and edged closer to it more than he cared to admit. And she was right. It wasn't fair to either of them. He had to do what was best for both of them and for Emilia. He had to let Lia go, in every way. Their life was headed in different directions, he should let it. "Maybe..." and yet there was still that string, that tiny thing that held him to her. "You know, Emilia's gotten attached to you." It was an excuse and he wasn't really sure what he was saying, but he knew it was wrong and selfish. He was doing it all over again and yet he couldn't take back the words, he couldn't just leave. WORDS: 333 TAGS: Jezelia LennoxNOTES: wtf eli |
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District 1
Heterosexual
20 Years Old
Relationship:
Single
Occupation:
Bartender
HG Status:
Last Online:
Sept 10, 2022 12:59:02 GMT -7
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Post by Jezelia Lennox on Oct 11, 2018 17:24:19 GMT -7
Lia couldn't help but clutch a pillow to her chest when he sat down on the couch, as if it would create more distance between them. She sighed when he began to apologize, followed by a slight shake of her head. "It wasn't your fault. I think I've been a ticking bomb since-" She stopped mid-sentence. She knew that he knew what had happened, yet the details had never really been discussed. She wasn't about to talk about them now, strengthening whatever bond there was between them. "It was bound to happen sooner or later. Funny thing is, I don't even feel strange. Apart from everything you guys have told me, a week has passed to me, the rest doesn't even feel real", she told him. She desperately wanted him to just take the hint and leave. A heated argument was the last thing that she wanted, but how else could she make him understand?
"Then drop Emilia off every day for as long as she wants", Lia started, her voice beginning to slightly tremble. It was a struggle to just look at him, knowing what she would say next. "Do you get what I mean when I say that a week has passed? It means that a week ago, we were arguing. A week ago, I bared my heart to you-" Small tears began to slip down her cheeks and still they were the easiest thing in the world to ignore. The fire inside of her and the pit that just grew bigger and bigger however, were not. "A week ago, you kissed me." Lia looked away at that, not knowing what else to say or do. It felt as if the apartment wasn't big enough for the two of them and no matter how much distance she'd try to put between them, it still wouldn't be enough. "I don't know what it's been like for you. I just know that I can't have you here, pretending that I don't care when the only thing that I want is to-" Lia shook her head, stopping herself this time. She wasn't about to go through it all again and be stupid enough to expect a different outcome.
WC: 367 Tags: Elias R. Jagger |
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District 1
Heterosexual
24 Years Old
Relationship:
Occupation:
Bartender/Bouncer/Entertainer/Mercenary
HG Status:
Over Reaping Age
Last Online:
Aug 31, 2020 7:13:06 GMT -7
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Post by Elias R. Jagger on Oct 11, 2018 17:40:19 GMT -7
Eli nodded, she was right of course. They were a ticking time bomb. What else could they be after all that's happened? After everything they've both said? And not said. There was too much to say and yet, there really was nothing more to say. "Yeah... Yeah..." He said absentmindedly. He wasn't really thinking about Emilia, as bad as it sounded. He was trying to hold it all together, all the things inside him that was so broken it seemed almost impossible he was actually able to hold it all in. He couldn't blame her. He had kissed her and then nothing. Nothing at all. As if he was expecting everything to just fall into place, but that's not how life worked. At least not for him. It had never worked like that, so why would it now? Her tears were like a siren's song, pulling him closer to her. He wanted more than anything to brush away her tears, to make her feel better. To tell her that he was sorry and everything would be alright. Who was he fooling? He balled his hands into fists and held them together. He looked at her, his eyes never leaving hers when it seemed like she would say what he needed to hear. It could be so simple. She could just say it. And he could be selfish and say yes. To whatever it was. Just yes. But when she didn't, he looked away from her and at the coffee table in front of them. Eli sucked in a breath and swallowed it. He nodded. "You're right," he said and stood up. He stood there for a moment, still looking at the table and then walked towards the door. "Please, tell Levi to drop Emilia off at my house," he said as he looked at the door, then he opened it. "Goodbye, Lia," he said without turning around and closed the door behind him. He didn't wait at the door. Instead he continued down the steps quickly, not allowing himself the chance to back down. he made a decision, he had to stick with it. They could be friends, or less than friends. They could stop hurting each other. WC: 369 TAG: Jezelia Lennox |
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District 1
Heterosexual
20 Years Old
Relationship:
Single
Occupation:
Bartender
HG Status:
Last Online:
Sept 10, 2022 12:59:02 GMT -7
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Post by Jezelia Lennox on Oct 11, 2018 18:00:18 GMT -7
Lia wanted to tell him how much she wanted to feel his arms around her. She wanted him to know that she needed him, but no matter how hard she tried to convince herself to say the words out loud, she still couldn't. So when he stood up and spoke, all she could do was stare at him, feeling as if she was going back in time. The situation was all too familiar and this time she knew that it no longer mattered. It didn't matted how she felt because he didn't feel the same way. His priority was Emilia and she understood that. Hell, she even envied him for it. She couldn't even imagine what it was like to actually love and be loved in return. She'd had that with her family but her family was gone and it was wrong of her to expect it from him. "Goodbye", Lia murmured back, tears now roaming freely down her cheeks. As soon as the door closed she laid down on the couch, hugging the pillow even tighter to her chest this time as she cried into it. She gave herself two hours. Two hours to cry and let everything out. Two hours to build up her walls again, this time making them even stronger. Two hours to remind herself of why she'd isolated herself in the first place. She couldn't blame him for something of her own doing. She'd been weak enough to let him in and this was the payment. And somehow, realizing that made her feel okay because the solution was an easy one. She just had to be strong enough this time.
WC: 275 Tags: Elias R. JaggerNotes: End of thread? |
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