what I have become -finnick-

Amidst the parties and the chatter, it was Finnick's job to do what he could to keep Kailani alive. With Jack gone, murdered so suddenly and harshly, she was their remaining tribute. She was the one he couldn't stand the thought of dying if only because of how he knew it would affect Annie. Kai and Annie have become close, which was always a risky thing. In the beginning that closeness had bolstered her, and he'd had Annie to accompany him to the parties and the meetings alike. It wasn't hard to see that soon it was eating at her though, and he had expected that, sooner or later, he would be facing it alone.

Now his love stayed in their apartments and he remained the face of District 4, but he didn't fault her for it one bit. He couldn't blame the nightmares that plagued her or the fear that gripped her. Annie's own games were far different than his own. Hers were filled with trauma, death and a stroke of luck in the final trial while his had been brutal but many of the killings were on his own hands. Annie's heart was so much more fragile than his own, so much sweeter, and as a result had so much more love. He wouldn't change a thing about her, would rather make himself a Capitol puppet than have them get within arms reach of her.

Today had been another of the long days in the Capitol, and he had come from a gathering of the other mentors in Kai's current party: Districts 2, 5 and 7. Well, it would have been Districts 2, 5 and 7 if Johanna Mason had bothered to show up, but her lack of care for Kitty was apparently too strong for her to even make an effort. Instead, the rest of them strategized together and came up with surprisingly little, as it was with most meetings. The District 4 victor was tired of it, tired of the excessive smiling and laughing and joking with fellow victors who could joke companionably with him one moment and stab him in the back the next. It was the way of the Hunger Games, the false friendship between most of them when, ultimately, only one would return with a new victor. But he never faltered out there, never let it show out there how it got to him.

Quietly, not knowing what Annie was up to, Finnick entered the apartment in the training center that he shared with Annie. Closing the door behind him, he scanned the space and saw a hint of her beautiful brown hair on the couch. He crossed the room to her and lay a hand on her shoulder before squatting down next to the couch. He watched her eyes open first in fear, then watched the change. He smiled at her, gently - a different smile from the one he had on every day.

"Hello Annie, my dear," he said. He reached up to brush away a few strands of her hair, then his fingers came down to settle on the jacket she was holding. Kai's jacket. He glanced down at it, a training jacket that he hoped she would be able to wear again. For Annie's sake. He looked back up at her. "How was today?" He wasn't sure that Kai was the best subject to bring up just yet. He didn't want to tell her he was sure she would win, or say anything if she was doing badly to avoid both getting her hopes up too high and letting her down. So when he asked how today was, he was testing the waters with Annie, more to see how she was in the nightmare she face in the Capitol.

WC: 629
Tag: @finnickodair

I'm alive and that's what matters. It was such a sad thing to come from Annie's lips, but in the end, that was most of the code Finnick Odair lived by. Do this thing, keep Annie alive, that's what matters. But Annie was of course more to him than a chore, and more important than she ever gave herself credit for. "You're all that matters," he told her.

Finnick chuckled a little at Annie's question of when life had ever been easy, though there was no humor behind his laugh. He honestly couldn't remember a time when things were simple and everything was easy. Maybe that time didn't ever exist. Even as a child in District 4. He started fighting young, fought his way through his own games, fought for and watched new tributes die year after year, and fought to protect the people he cared about. Life was a battlefield, one in which he intended to win. It didn't matter the cost to himself, and who knows if the battle would ever end.

As Annie explained to them how they could spin taking in Kai's sister, he listened carefully. She had such hope in the good of Panem, and that was one of the things he loved most about her. He could hope that everyone, dear old President Snow included, would see it the way Annie did, but he had his doubts. Panem really might fall in love with the story - everyone loves a good love story, that was true - but that didn't mean they were out of the woods by any means. Getting too involved with any tribute was tricky. It had been tricky when he had fallen for Annie, and if she hadn't survived, things might have gone differently for him. Then there was Johanna and the boy Lucas this year - he didn't see that going well unless Lucas was victor, and even then? It still might not. Anything concerning Johanna Mason didn't tend to run smoothly. Now if they took Kai's sister, it'd be another slippery slope, and he would just have to hold on to Annie's hopefulness if they embarked on it. "We'll make it work," he agreed. "Whatever it takes."

Finnick held Annie close again as she kissed him, though it was shorter than his love surely intended because he couldn't hold off a chuckle. "Useless? That's the last thing you are. I'd rather have you happy and in here than miserable and out there any day. Don't worry about it." He smiled at her, and meant what he said. It might leave him exhausted, but he could do it alone. It was worth it. Maybe next year Annie could stay home and Mags could come with him to give her a break from the spotlight and the pressure. He would hate every moment of the separation, but after a year like this one, Annie would surely need it regardless of if Kai lived or died.

At her next comment, he put a hand to her cheek and held her gaze a moment longer. "Don't say that. You deserve more than I can give to you." If he could, Finnick would give her a better life than the one they led. After all, doing what he had to do meant being unfaithful. It meant living a lie, showing himself off as the most desirable bachelor in all of Panem and pretending for the world that Annie was no more than his fellow victor and mentor. What kind of torture was that for her? He couldn't imagine, and they didn't talk about it.

"I love you too," he said softly. He stood there with her for a moment, breathing in her familiar scent, feeling the welcome pressure of her body against his. He could stay like this forever, and if they were anyone but Finnick Odair and Annie Cresta, District 4 victors, maybe the could have. Maybe then they could be honest and open lovers, get married, have children. Do the things normal couples did. But for now, he planned to make the moments they had count and give Annie whatever joy he could. The less time she could spend worrying about Kai or thinking she wasn't good enough for him, the better.

So, without warning, Finnick grinned at Annie and bent down to swoop her up into his arms. He held her easily, her legs draped over one arm and her back against the other. "Now, Miss Cresta, I believe it is far past your bedtime," he joked. "As the gentleman in the room, I feel it is my duty to escort you." He started toward her bedroom - though with the tributes gone, they shared it more often than not. He walked with exaggerated steps, hoping to make her laugh. An avox opened the door for the pair, and he nodded at her before passing into the room. Laying her on the bed, he kissed her again briefly. "Never let it be said that Finnick Odair is anything less than a gentleman," he told her with a grin.


WC: 844
Tag: @finnickodair
Notes: I am sooooooooo sorry it took so long! Finnick just wasn't there for me. It should be better now. Let me know if you don't want to keep this one going and start a new board post-games, or we can just finish this one. Either way works for me!